For Immediate Release
My friends, especially my few friends in Victoria,
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my apology yesterday, which was itself an apology.
To be clear, I don’t have a clue any longer what I’m apologizing for. But my folks – my G’D handlers from Hell as I affectionately call them – tell me I’m due for another. So here goes.
You want to know what I really think? I hate Victoria. I hate Victorians. I hate the Victoria Legislature. And I really hate my Victoria job.
Ha, ha, ha, got you! You believed that didn’t you, my friends? Never trust a politician. Ha, ha, ha.
But between us and without Pamela listening in, Victoria is kind of unreal isn’t it? I mean, tea on the veranda, pretty gardens and fussy little lamp stands? That would make anyone reach for the tequila.
But that’s just Victoria. Then there’s the leg. Mega unreal. Last season “Bachelorette” unreal.
Take Kevin Krueger. Wait, someone already did.
Loved that. The only thing worse than sitting in the opposition benches listening to Kev, was sitting next to him on the government side. Thump, thump, thump. Bleat, bleat, bleat. You can’t invent that kind of insane.
You want to know about unreal? Ever seen Kevin Falcon’s “hair” up close? Not that real. Bill Barisoff managing money? Also not real. Bill Bennett making policy? Not. Very. Real. My resume? Not so much real either.
You know what is real? The poll numbers. They’re pretty bloody real. And so is the party – whatever we’re calling it these days – breathing down my neck. Get out and campaign, you’re so good at it,” Mike says as he puts up the four hundredth version of the same anti-Dix website.
Actually that was Patrick’s idea. Not his best but then again he’s busy turning over rocks looking for tasty bits of government for his clients to buy.
As usual it’s up to me to save everybody.
Whatever. So for the millionth time this week I’m sorry. This time I mean it.
Your Premier, Christy.