Mea culpa, mea culpa. We’re calling Christy over.

For Immediate Release

My friends, especially my few friends in Victoria,

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my apology yesterday, which was itself an apology.

To be clear, I don’t have a clue any longer what I’m apologizing for.  But my folks – my G’D handlers from Hell as I affectionately call them – tell me I’m due for another.  So here goes.

You want to know what I really think?  I hate Victoria.  I hate Victorians.  I hate the Victoria Legislature.  And I really hate my Victoria job.

Ha, ha, ha, got you!  You believed that didn’t you, my friends?  Never trust a politician.  Ha, ha, ha.

But between us and without Pamela listening in, Victoria is kind of unreal isn’t it?  I mean, tea on the veranda, pretty gardens and fussy little lamp stands?  That would make anyone reach for the tequila.

But that’s just Victoria. Then there’s the leg.  Mega unreal. Last season “Bachelorette” unreal.

Take Kevin Krueger.  Wait, someone already did.

Loved that.  The only thing worse than sitting in the opposition benches listening to Kev, was sitting next to him on the government side.  Thump, thump, thump.  Bleat, bleat, bleat.  You can’t invent that kind of insane.

You want to know about unreal?  Ever seen Kevin Falcon’s “hair” up close?  Not that real.  Bill Barisoff managing money?  Also not real.  Bill Bennett making policy?  Not. Very. Real.  My resume?  Not so much real either.

You know what is real?  The poll numbers.  They’re pretty bloody real.  And so is the party – whatever we’re calling it these days – breathing down my neck.  Get out and campaign, you’re so good at it,” Mike says as he puts up the four hundredth version of the same anti-Dix website.

Actually that was Patrick’s idea.  Not his best but then again he’s busy turning over rocks looking for tasty bits of government for his clients to buy.

As usual it’s up to me to save everybody.

Whatever.  So for the millionth time this week I’m sorry.  This time I mean it.

Sincerely,

Your Premier, Christy.

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6 Responses to Mea culpa, mea culpa. We’re calling Christy over.

  1. I think a lot of people stopped believing her a long time ago… and that’s a good thing. She is totally out of her league and must step down…. and that goes for the rest of the Liberals. I hope that Norm over at Northern Insights is right with his comment today.

    Guy in Victoria

  2. Ole Nielson says:

    Ian, that is “falling down” funny!! thanks for the laughs!

  3. canadian canary says:

    This is the best Ian. Way better than Alex T.

    Guy, unfortunately I have to correct you. Sadly, other people believe, really, really believe, Christy Clark, thanks especially to the harlot CBC shills. I was listening to the CBC Radio morning show with boring Gregor Craigy this morning and got a load of crap.

    First Craigy interviewed Alise Mills, former BC Liberal strategizer who informed everyone that her remarks were taken out of context (without providing any substantiation for how exactly she knew that), to which Gregor repeats, “So these remarks were taken out of context.” Out of context how, Gregor? Jeez. But wait, we’re not done yet. Later in the show, Gregor get Ms. Christy herself on the line, and then follows her ditzy logic all the way down the line. Gawd, how low the CBC has fallen, drinking out of the gutter like that. No “balanced” coverage in sight either. Classic CBC whoring.

    Keep your Christy schtick up Ian, it’s truly priceless.

  4. RS says:

    A pièce de résistance.
    Way too funny!

    And just when you thought things couldn’t get any crazier…
    http://northerninsights.blogspot.ca/2012/09/the-rumour-mill.html

  5. e.a.f. says:

    the column was good, it gave me a good laugh. Poor Christie Clark doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut. I guess her parents never took her to see Bambi when she was a kid. All of know what Bambi’s mom said, “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”.

  6. Kenn Mclaren says:

    Great column Ian, thanks for the laugh,
    Kenn

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