Last night I dreamt a variation on my standard bad dream. Instead of the never-ending non-specific chase that will, but doesn’t end in my death thereby keeping me terrorized through the night, I dreamt a very specific assailant – my cancer.
Stuck on an island somewhere near the Antarctic (I kid you not) I had to find a way off and get to a hospital to eliminate the tumour pursuing me. Of course, every way I turned I was blocked. It became increasingly obvious that I was going to die in this dream.
You are not supposed to die in your dreams. So this was not a very good dream. It’s not even a very creative dream metaphor and I do count on the unconscious to be, at the very least, creative.
Why now? After all the cancer’s been chasing me for ten years.
It’s not hard to figure this out. Just before the holidays I asked one of my many docs about a cyst that appeared about 6 months ago right above my eye. He poked about a bit and said “That’s not a cyst. It’s a skin cancer.”
Jesus. I have had my fill of cancer and the last thing I needed to hear was this ugly pimple was actually a tumour. Now what?
Long story short the ‘now what’ is simple. It’s likely not serious, being slow growing and pretty common. And a dermatologist is removing it next week.
Besides, I still have the real worrisome tumours on my spine and brain stem to deal with. The skin lesion is and will always be a side issue.
But don’t tell my unconscious that. It’s clearly freaking out and no ‘matter of fact’ doctoring is going to stop that.
Finding this silly little tumour has affected me other ways besides giving me very specific bad dreams. In general, I am over-reacting. In particular, I’m not writing.
I am in a very ‘what’s the point’ state of mind. I know, I know, that’s wallowing and if there’s one thing I tell myself, it’s that I musn’t wallow.
There is good material. God, there is good material.
For example the Sun has apparently merged with Encana’s communications department and is now almost desperately spinning the Northern Pipeline on their behalf.
There’s that BC Liberal ad campaign. Creatively, Christy Crunch it ain’t. And in keeping with Christy Clark’s general MO it’s not so accurate to boot.
On the NDP leadership front Brian Topp has gone negative, belying his spin about bringing the NDP together.
And more than ever we need the Federal NDP to pull together. Otherwise Harper has free reign for the next decade and Canada will look like a cold version of Karl Rove’s dream state.
And then there’s the US election.
I’m down south right now and watched the Iowa caucuses last night. The thought that one of these people could be president with a matching congress and senate makes my skin crawl. Of the three way tie in Iowa all I can think is that Ron Paul knowingly recruits real – not metaphorical – Nazis, Rick Santorum eagerly looks forward to restoring the Salem witch hunts and Mitt Romney make the Trilateral Commission look benign.
Is this what the apocalypse is supposed to look like? Perhaps.
Time to get writing again.